Pre-occupations

Here I am at home with the day off from work because of weather conditions. It was rainy and now extremely wet, too muddy to get the cement truck to where we need to pour concrete. So I'm at home with the internet.

I've been thinking about one thing deeply at a time. I'll focus my thoughts and conversation agendas on, for example, biodiversity for a couple of months, then on the book of Acts for a while, and now on Ron Paul. Meanwhile I'm also thinking of other things, at the present time our growing child in Nicole's womb. This doesn't change. It is a deeper thread of thought that affects and responds to almost everything that comes my way each day. Also, always below the perceived surface are my thoughts about God and Christian discipleship. The thought that Jesus is in a real way my redeemer, master, and king affects and transforms every other thought. All my thoughts must adapt to this higher, deeper, spiritual thought. It is certainly more than a thought.

Still, as if I am working on another research paper in a grad school assignment, I can't bring myself to merely read a headline article about an intriguing and intellectual candidate such as Ron Paul. I must consume and digest and post portions of the best and most accurate information. Certainly graduate school has affected me. I have developed a pattern/compulsion of wanting to intellectually download broad and deep research, process it theologically, and . . . turn it in?

That's where I think I run into the most trouble. It seems like the process is more profitable than the product. (It's kind of like genetically modifying foods and other technologies. Isn't it cool we can do it? But is it better?) I'm forced to ask myself if what I am doing is worthy of the gift of life that God has given me. I'm forced to think about God when I get frustrated, when I feel I am living with integrity and taking actions I think are right and yet am dissatisfied. I can't see the benefit of my hard work.

So I read Ecclesiastes and Proverbs. I meditate on the Holy One and the teachings that are good whether I can produce any effective change in the world or not. By mercy I'll live wisely and faithfully even if I am ignored, punished, or beheaded.