Team Partners

The advice us men got was, "Your wife is your first team. You love her almost as much as Jesus. Your next team is your kids (if you have 'em). Then, you've got your team-team."

So I'm trying to understand my wife better and letting her express herself more before I try to correct her thinking or solve problems or simply talk over her. I think I'm doing a pretty good job.

Let me get psychological . . . there's a man I know who doesn't have much control in his life. Let's call him A. He is a man who has throat cancer. His wife makes him come to the church building while she teaches English and phonics to Vietnamese immigrants (after I get through with them--I've almost taught them North, South, East, West, Oklahoma). She is a sincere woman who is passionate about learning more about Jesus (though she is a nominal churchgoer). Let's call her B. She is a woman who has multiple schlerosis.

Well, A doesn't have much control in his life. He has been known to snap at people when they ask him how he's doing. "Terrible!" he says, "Tell them to stop asking me how I'm doing." In bible class he's been asked, "Would you like a bible?" "NO!" he says.

Honestly, I've observed, perhaps correctly, that Mr. A is a lot like me. I don't like it when other people take control away from me. For example, in bible class someone occasionally says, "Pray for [A] and his cancer." A says, "Don't pray for me! I don't believe in that kind of prayer!" If I were him I would want people to give me some control. If I want a bible I'll ask. (A has actually been seen looking over to read in someone else's bible.) If I want to request prayers, let me make the request. And why don't you tell me about your problems instead asking me about mine.

I don't know what makes me unique. I've heard that there are only seven or eight basic personalities. I don't know if "passive-aggressive" is one of them, but I tend to be that way. I am praying that I will be aware of my tendencies especially in our team dynamics.

Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about. It's like this. You want to help me with something. I say, "No, thank you." You say, "Are you sure?" I'm thinking, "Yes, even more sure. Let's talk about something else." If my wife comes to me and says, "Jason, let's go see a movie!" I get a this-is-the-first-I've-heard-of-this look on my face. I want to be the one who starts something (because I believe I can do it well and better than you), but since other people always beat me to it, I unintentionally resent them for taking the lead. However, basically, you can get me to do anything within your power, but I won't like it. I'm sorry. I'm working on dying to myself. I reckon I will make a better teammate then.